Every January, like clockwork, we promise ourselves that this will be the year we finally get it together. We’ll run every morning, cook from scratch, call our parents more, master a new skill, and maybe even get through that stack of unread books collecting dust on the nightstand. These ambitions, whether written down in December, as the calendar teeters on the edge of a new year,  or whispered quietly in the glow of New Year’s optimism, feel noble and attainable in the crisp light of January 1.

And yet by February, those promises are usually lying crumpled in the corner, buried beneath the demands of daily life. Morning jogs give way to just a few more minutes under the covers. The ambitious dinner plans dissolve into takeout menus. The books? Well, they’ll still be there next year. It’s not that we don’t try. It’s just that the grind of habit-building often proves to be more than our hopeful selves bargained for.

This annual ritual of resolve and regret feels as inevitable as the ball drop in Times Square. And we’re not alone. Research consistently shows that most resolutions don’t survive past the first few weeks of the year. The numbers are stark: by mid-February, the vast majority of us will have abandoned the goals we greeted with such enthusiasm. Another recent  research shows how New Year’s resolutions and the difficulties in keeping them are a global phenomenon.

If we keep doing this to ourselves? And more importantly, instead of making the same promises that fall apart year after year, is there a smarter, kinder, and more realistic way to approach our goals? Maybe it’s time to stop framing the start of the year as a clean slate and instead see it as something altogether imperfect, and full of small opportunities to grow. What if we embraced a different, more effective approach to lasting change? Let’s begin there.

01 

 Avoiding Temptation

We love to think of self-control as a battle of willpower, all we need is enough discipline, right? Staring down a temptation, we promise ourselves that this time, we’ll resist the box of cookies in the pantry, resist the pull of another hour of Instagram, or not give in to late-night Netflix binges when we swore we’d write that report. And while we may succeed for a day or two, eventually, willpower falters–the cookies are gone, our screen time report is embarrassing, and the project remains untouched.

Psychologists are beginning to agree on something some of us already suspect—The idea that we can simply power through with enough determination sets us up for failure. Instead, a growing body of studies points to a smarter approach: changing the situations that expose us to temptation in the first place.

The concept is simple but powerful. Why battle the urge to scroll endlessly when you can delete the app entirely? Why risk late-night snacking if the cookies never make it into the cart? By reshaping our environments, we give ourselves fewer chances to fail.

Even more impactful, situation change extends to our social surroundings. Friends, family, and coworkers. The groups we belong to and the people we spend time with can either strengthen or undermine our goals without us realizing it. So, what if you didn’t have to rely on willpower at all? What if you could achieve your goals almost… effortless? 

This research by David Kalkstein and Co-authors suggests that social norms don’t just guide behavior through the familiar mechanism of peer pressure—conforming to fit in or please others. Instead, norms may quietly shape the boundaries of our imagination, limiting the very options we consider.

Certainly, not all groups are created equal when it comes to supporting your goals. Sometimes, the people you surround yourself with may unknowingly encourage behaviors that contradict your intentions. If you’re trying to cut back on smoking or junk food, for example, spending less time with your smoking buddies and more time with those whose habits align or a study group can turn the task of advancing your skills or career into a shared pursuit.

When we are thoughtful about our social surroundings, we can set ourselves up for success in ways that willpower alone never could.

02

Creating Social Environments to Stay Accountable

I started a running streak last year and somehow stopping midway through, I decided to give it another shot this year.

But given my less-than-stellar track record of not sticking to resolutions, I admit that I didn’t follow through on most of my goals this year—except one: prioritizing fitness, at least I tried. 

At the beginning of 2024, I was determined to start running regularly. I bought new running shoes, downloaded a fancy fitness app, and even made a playlist of high-energy tracks. But two weeks in, the excuses start piling up—stuck with a heavy workload. It’s too cold outside, I’m too tired, or I’ll start fresh tomorrow. By the end of the month, the sneakers were gathering dust in the corner.

And by the end of February, it dawned on me that I was at risk fumbling againif I couldn’t find 

a way to keep myself motivated. This time, I deliberately joined a running club that meets every Saturday morning, trying something new was nerve-wracking at first, but I wasn’t discouraged. Rain or shine, I knew a  group of people counted on me to show up. Now, skipping a run doesn’t feel like an option anymore.  Beyond the accountability, I found a community of like-minded individuals who motivated and supported me every step of the way.

Ideally, find at least one person to share your goals with, someone who also has goals, that way you can hold each other accountable.

The truth is, when others are counting on us—or when we simply know someone is watching—it’s much harder to let things slide. This isn’t just anecdotal, psychologists have long understood that humans are social creatures, and our behavior is powerfully influenced by the people around us.

Even the group dynamics in pop culture, like the supportive (and sometimes hilariously competitive) friendships in shows like Parks and Recreation. We’ve seen Leslie Knope cheering on her team, Pawnee crew rallying around a shared cause, these relationships illustrate how mutual accountability can inspire action and keep us on track.

03

Manage Expectations

A growing number of people, after years of cycling through the same expectations each year and failing, have stopped making resolutions because they are simply too difficult to keep. Yes, things do get challenging when we treat a marathon like a sprint by setting overly high expectations.

The expectations we place on ourselves come at a high cost—not just on January 1st but throughout the entire year. When they are unrealistic and inflexible, they lead to feelings of failure, guilt, and disappointment.

Expecting our bodies to perform consistently in all circumstances, or to always be quick and smart in complex situations, can quickly drain our motivation. At the end of the day, we are human. Some days we are sharp, energetic, and ready to tackle anything; other days, we’re tired and sluggish. Constantly placing pressure on ourselves only leads to unnecessary suffering because we can’t always live up to the idealized version we’ve imagined.

So how can we maintain consistency without the burden of pressure?

For example, if you want to work out more next year, we all know winter is the time of the year that’s not so easy to get by. It’s harder to stay motivated due to shorter days, fatigue (as the body works harder to perform in harsher climates), stiffness, or even slippery surfaces—all of which can easily demotivate you. Instead of giving up entirely, you can maintain your energy and motivation to stick to a healthy routine by making a few adjustments.

Breaking the cycle of winter slowdowns right now won’t be easy. However, if you’re determined to find the energy or drive to stick to your routine during this season, you need to remember:

Even if your efforts during winter pale in comparison to what you achieve in warmer months, it’s still beneficial to keep going. Focus on eating well, getting adequate sleep, and allowing yourself to slow down when needed.

If you’re unwilling to let the cold or lack of motivation become an excuse to skip the gym, consider investing in a gym membership. While this might feel like an additional commitment, it can help you move from barely maintaining your routine to gradually regaining momentum.

But if you’re not okay with not going to the gym, or getting out of the cold, consider purchasing a gym membership. This might be stressful at first, but an additional commitment and a confidence boost to move from barely holding your normal routine to gradually getting back into it, is worth it. 

04

Make Your Resolutions For You, Not to Impress

People are more likely to abandon their goals because they are driven by the wrong motivations, which are rarely sustainable. 

Some resolutions are made simply because it’s a tradition. Is your interest in learning to play the piano driven by a genuine love for music? Or do you want to learn just to impress others? Goals are far more likely to succeed when they are intentional and meaningful. 

Resolutions that stick are those deeply rooted in our most cherished values. Before setting a new goal, make sure it aligns with something truly meaningful to you. In other words, it shouldn’t be superficial or insignificant, nor should it be something chosen solely to gain someone else’s approval or admiration.

05

Enjoying the Process

Not enjoying the process of working toward your goals can leave you vulnerable to disappointment and self-doubt.

And trying too hard to hit your goal weight within just a few weeks of exercising and changing your diet may set you up for frustration.

It’s discouraging—embarrassing even—when we fall short, we might consider quitting altogether when we fail to reach our goals within the expected timeframe. But are we to let past failures dictate our future? If we don’t take the time to learn from our setbacks, how can we hope to achieve any goal?

Want to finish writing a book you’ve already started, but every step feels like a burden? Why not explore different writing styles or collaborate with a writing group? This could bring enjoyment to the process and make it more sustainable. Alternatively, finding an accountability partner could help you stay on track and avoid slipping back into old habits.