We may say we believe in gender equality, but we still speak in ways that excuse men and condemn women. These ten phrases are proof.

In 2003, the pop world turned on a 21-year-old named Britney Spears. She had just broken up with Justin Timberlake, and suddenly every magazine cover painted her as the heartbreaker, the cheater, the cautionary tale. Justin went on radio to hint at sex, even the lyrics of his latest album at the time, Justified, seemed to point at Britney and rumors swirling around that she had cheated on him. The media mocked. Britney cried on television, was slut-shamed in interviews, and was asked, more than once, what she’d done to cause him so much pain.

Interestingly in her memoir The Woman in Me, we now know he had cheated on her multiple times, and she had made out with a choreographer in retaliation.

The message was clear, more often than not, we’re quick to jump to conclusions without making the effort to hear both sides, especially when a man disappoints or fails, find a woman to blame.

This has been the cultural template for decades. And even now, with all the supposed progress we’ve made, the language hasn’t evolved much. Blame just shapeshifts. It becomes something we say without thinking, something we repeat because we’ve heard it all our lives.

These 11 phrases still reflect a world where women carry the shame of men’s behavior.

1. “She’s a gold-digger”

A woman wants financial security, and suddenly she’s shallow. But here’s some context: Until 50 years ago, most women couldn’t open their own bank accounts. Financial dependence wasn’t a preference. It was the law. Women by design have been required to be financially dependent on men for food, shelter, childcare, you name it. All of a sudden, it is men who get mad that women are prioritizing husbands who can provide for them.

So if some women still prioritize stability, maybe it’s because the economy, the family courts, and society as a whole have shown them what happens when they don’t.
And let’s be honest… when a man marries rich, no one bats an eye. They call him lucky.

2. “She’s asked for it”

In courtrooms, on college campuses, in comment sections this phrase is still alive. Dress codes reinforce it. Headlines imply it. Even judges say it.

Never mind that rape happens to women wearing jeans. Pajamas. Religious clothing [ As it stands rape still remain a huge issue in countries like Afghanistan even when women there cover up head to toe ]. Never mind that the one constant in every case is not the outfit, but the rapist. No wonder 2 out of 3 SA still go unreported because survivors know the world is more likely to blame them than believe them.
As long as this phrase survives, we’re not protecting women. We’re protecting excuses.

3. “She has daddy issues”

This phrase isn’t just flippant, it’s cruel. It suggests that if a woman struggles with intimacy or boundaries, she’s defective. Never mind if her father was absent, abusive, or emotionally unavailable. Instead of addressing the harm caused by men who abandoned their daughters, we laugh at the daughters for trying to make sense of it.

As if healing from childhood wounds makes her the problem. As if a man’s failure to father shouldn’t be mentioned at all.

“She has daddy issues” is a clever way to say, “She’s broken, and it’s her fault.” But brokenness doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It comes from being failed by people who were supposed to care.

4. “Women need to choose better”

This is what people say when a woman ends up in a toxic relationship, becomes a single mom, or files for divorce. Instead of asking why so many men are emotionally unavailable, manipulative, or absent, instead we’re more interested in ask why she didn’t see it coming.

But choosing a partner isn’t a one-time act. Relationships are a series of choices, often made in foggy conditions. People change. Stress hits. Secrets surface.

And statistically, 25 percent of men aren’t living with their children, 26% stopped seeing their children after divorce, while only 4% of men fight for custody. Not to mention men are far less likely to seek help for anger issues, depression, or addiction. That’s not a dating problem. That’s a cultural one.

5. “She turned him into that”

If a man is emotionally distant, people say his last girlfriend “damaged him.” If he cheats, someone whispers that his wife “nagged too much.” If he’s angry or cold or bitter, we blame a woman from his past.

It’s convenient. It turns his behavior into a reaction instead of a decision. It makes her the origin of his flaws.

But people are responsible for their own healing. And for their own harm.

6. “If he was abusive, why didn’t she leave?”

This question is a favorite among people who have never lived in fear.

They don’t see the financial entrapment, the emotional manipulation, the children involved. They don’t understand that leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. Statistically, many women are murdered trying to escape. In the two years after separation, violent incidents rise by 75%, and women are 77% more likely to be killed by their abuser.
Victims don’t stay because they enjoy pain. They stay because safety is a slow, complicated process. And every time we jump to conclusions, we prove we don’t get it.

7. “She slept her way to the top”

This one surfaces anytime a woman succeeds in a male-dominated space. Whether she’s a politician, an executive, or just visibly ambitious, people imply she got there through sex, not skill.
Even when there’s no evidence. Even when she’s more qualified than the men beside her.
The unspoken truth? This isn’t really about how she got there. It’s about the discomfort people feel seeing a woman hold power.

And even if a woman did use her looks to navigate a system stacked against her, why isn’t the criticism aimed at the men who created those rules?

8. “She’s a homewrecker”

There is no quicker way to shift blame from a cheating husband than to label the woman he slept with as a villain.
Yes, infidelity hurts. Yes, some women knowingly cross the line. But the person who vowed loyalty wasn’t the “other woman.” It was the husband.
Still, the story we often tell is that she seduced him. That she tricked him. That she broke the home.

We talk about the temptation instead of the choice. We forget who took the vows.

9. “She’s just bitter”

When women tell the truth about what they’ve been through, they’re often met with this word: bitter. It’s a quick way to discredit anger, grief, or even facts.

If she criticizes double standards, she’s bitter.
If she talks about being ghosted, used, or lied to—bitter. If she sets a boundary, still bitter.
Calling a woman bitter doesn’t make her wrong. It just means you’re uncomfortable.

10. “Boys will be boys.”

This phrase is deceptively harmless, often said with a shrug. But it’s how we excuse everything from playground bullying to domestic abuse.
We say it when boys are aggressive. We say it when they don’t listen. We say it when they harm others.

And every time we say it, we tell girls they’re responsible for absorbing male behavior. That boys get to act out, and girls have to adapt.
But if boys get a free pass, who’s held accountable?

11. “She likes bad boys.”

This one gets lobbed casually, but it packs the same punch: If a woman ends up in a toxic or abusive relationship, people assume it was by preference. As if trauma, grooming, or manipulation are just bad taste in men.
It’s not only wrong, it erases how control and coercion work. No one likes being hurt. They just sometimes don’t see the danger until it’s too late.

Closing Thoughts

Language matters. It shapes how we see the world, and how we see each other. These phrases may sound like casual throwaways, but they reinforce a dangerous idea: that when men hurt, fail, or leave. It’s somehow a woman’s fault. We can’t build a more equal culture if we keep using the same old scripts.

Change doesn’t just happen in laws or protests. It happens in everyday words we say without thinking.