When You’re Always The Strong One for Everyone But Yourself

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You’re always putting others first, but who’s got your back when you’re weak and down? 

We easily overlook the strong individuals in our lives all the time— those pillars for friends, family, colleagues, and everyone else. It’s incredible to see how giving they are, even when they’re at their limit. But who’s there for them?

It amazes me as I  about how most times, strong people take too long to care for themselves or  ignore themselves in order to show up for others that they’re not even sure what looking after themselves looks like. It’s probably why I take it on myself to support the few strong people I know. 

Seriously, who takes care of those who are always there for everyone else? 

We tend to take for granted those who look after us the most. We get accustomed to their reliability, maybe even find it a bit boring. It’s amazing how those who are busy supporting others don’t often ask for help themselves. But, let’s talk about it – because even the most faithful and reliable people face their own challenges and breaking points. So, to You that dependable person, here’s what to know and what you can do when you’re tired of always being the strong one.

One Problem Can Bleed into Other Problems

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Here’s a little practice for you: right now, think about what’s bugging you… Go on, say it out loud – don’t just think it. Bet you’ll realize it’s not the world against you; maybe you’re not getting a hang over the new role at work yet, or a stranger’s comment on your social feed got under your skin.

Life can easily pile on, making you feel like everything’s closing in. Work pressure, home stress, not-so-great friendships, your partner hitting your nerves – it’s a lot. But the real deal is probably just one or a few things dragging you down, messing with other parts of your life.

In fact, writing this made me reminisce on a time in my life (and yeah, there’s been many) when I felt drowned in stress. Work deadlines were killing me, my family didn’t get it, life wasn’t fun anymore, and I couldn’t catch a break. What was the issue? Some relationship drama. Instead of facing it, I let it mess up everything else. I wasn’t my cool and chill self, I was on edge ’cause I wouldn’t deal with my disappointment. Been there with other problems wrecking different parts of my life.

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Spill it, don’t try to suppress your feelings, go ahead and unleash your frustrations…

What’s that one thing messing with you right now? And why not deal with it head-on? You’ll be amazed how this makes everything else way more bearable.

Maybe The Tiredness You’re Feeling Stem From Places Your Heart Longs For

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But you’re too distracted and too busy tending to others.

When you’re always the superhero, your own wishes might take a backseat. You are always downplaying what you want, thoughts and how you feel, in order to look after the people in your world. The selflessness of serving others often dictates actions.

Time to let it out – those dreams, thoughts, and feelings you’ve been bottling up. Being selfless is cool, but at what cost?

To others You’re tough as nails, but deep down, you’re human, even superheroes need their down time. Admit it, you’ve got dreams, your fatigue might be a signal – those dreams you’re neglecting are calling, maybe a solid friend you can look forward to chatting with, or seeing yourself starting a family someday, that childhood dream you stashed away? It’s time to dust it off, friend. Serving others is rad and commendable, but even you need a breather too.

 

It’s Time to Let Someone be There for You

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Yes, it’s okay to open up and be vulnerable from time to time.

You might be wondering what good can come out of opening up to people?

Before you bite my head off and say, hell no! I once opened up to a (spouse/partner/friend) but was used against me shortly after, and it made me feel weak and not good enough. Never again!! Coupled with that there’s even the fear of no care or consideration from the litsener.

But hear me out, I’m not saying you should tell out your life story in one sitting. In fact I think women and men alike need to value confidentiality even more, unless you trust and feel safe with that person. But there are good friends and partners out there who won’t use your intimate confessions against you. Find one of those.

Or you might be one who’s very careful about giving your problems to anyone else. You see that as laying a burden on the people you’re supposed to be supporting. And you know, there is truth in that – if you’re looking after someone who is struggling, it’s probably not the best to be also throwing your problems on their back to consider as well.

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But who helps carry your problems then? No one? Just you? You have no one to call a friend to open up to? 

The big issues in our lives are usually just the small ones that we let continue on, or the things we haven’t talked about. That feeling that started with you not feeling as appreciated as you thought you should be has blown up into a full-blown insecurity. That sense that you’re always just putting on the strong face has turned into you feeling like you’re being taken for granted.

The surgeon after saving the day needs to also be the wifey or hubby that you can still cozy up to late at night and talk through the big parts of the day. 

 You need a safe place where you can just be yourself, where you can talk about whatever you need to. And you really don’t have to be the strong one all the time.

Closing Thoughts

What if someone caught you cry? What if someone heard your deepest dreams that you hardly share?

People who seem strong to others often feel like they can’t show any weakness.

Maybe you’re tired because you’re avoiding being vulnerable. Maybe you’re keeping people away because you think you can’t let yourself be weak.

Well, guess what? It’s okay to let your guard down. It’s okay to talk about how you’re really feeling. I know it might feel weird at first, but if you don’t take care of yourself, you’re gonna lose yourself.

You’re more than what you do. We’re humans, not robots. And yeah, you can still be strong for others, but make sure it’s coming from a strength that won’t burn you out.

If you’re tired of always being the rock, it’s time to take a step back and think about what you need. Have you ever wished you didn’t have to do so much? 

Feeling tired of always being the strong one is normal. What are some things you’re thinking about? Have you ever wished you didn’t have to do so much? Now’s your chance to be real about it.

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